Unconditional Love

A lot of parents talk about how deeply they fell in love with their perfect, beautiful infant the moment they met.  I was enthralled with the process of pregnancy, enjoying the entire experience of hosting a growing person.  Labor was wonderful, birth was miraculous.  Meeting this tiny crying creature that is called "my son" was a moment I will never forget.  From the time I knew he existed I started to feel love for this person, and seeing him certainly was amazing.  But I would compare it to when I met my partner.  I remember vividly the first time I ever saw Michael walk past me.  I had an instant, strong reaction that stuck with me, and I immediately had the seeds of infatuation and love growing.  The birth of that relationship began at that moment, and the deep, daily intimate, love I share with him now was present then.  But at that particular time, I didn't know him very well, I knew almost nothing about him.  I could feel love and it was real, but I didn't know very much about what made Michael, Michael.  It was a mysterious, magical feeling.   Very much like meeting Avian, my little golden haired son.  I did love him right away, but I didn't know much about who he was, what makes Avian, Avian.  Being a parent is a marvelous, challening, elating, frustrating, joyous, fulfilling process.  Recently, as Avian has approached two years old and has reached a developmental stage where he can express himself quite clearly, I have noticed a real shift in my relationship with him.  Now instead of just having a general infatuation feeling for him (which did sometimes wear thin in the wee hours of yet another sleepless night during his earlier days), I have a deeper understanding of who this person is.  I can have a relationship with Him.  We can talk, exchange ideas, I can listen to his requests, needs, demands, feelings, experiences and can more understanding about what this individual is like, what his personality leans towards, the kinds of things he is interested in.  It is wonderful.  His fits, screaming rages, his head-banging when he is frustrated, his flinging of the spoon because I mixed his granola before he got a chance to tell me to add raisins...all of that is so normal for his age, so appropriate for his development, for his individuation process.  It is a delight to see his feelings emerge, to know that he can clearly communicate them to me, and that I can support that process, help him handle things when he is overwhelmed, model alternatives and coping skills, and coach him on how to explain his ideas when he needs it.  I just read the exceptional book "Unconditional Parenting", and it came at exactly the right time.  I don't see his "acting up" as a battle of wills or him defying me.  He is experiencing the world, and it is overwhelming, he is feeling feelings and they are huge.  I am so glad I get to walk along with this incredible growing person and help him figure out life.  He is helping me figure out life at the same time.  The more I get to know him, the more I can love who he is, unconditionally.

Gratitude

 

Coming to the end of our stay in Buffalo...bittersweet.  So peaceful in our direction, yet sad to leave so many wonderful people. 

Thank you:  Family- you know who you are!  I love my family so much, and through the ups and downs this year that has only become a deeper, more understanding love.  I treasure this time we got to spend together, and for those of you who made lots of room in your life for my presence here, I am so grateful.  For the family who's lives were filled up with other things, I am thankful for the time we did get together, and I am happy that you are living your life and doing your thing!  A special thank you to Bridget, you gave us several much needed overnight breaks from parenting, and were always a wonderful, fun, energetic, welcoming person to be around. 

Thank you:  Mom.  Living with you again for the first time since I moved out of the house was fun, joyous, challenging, illuminating, worthwhile, and something I will always be glad we shared.  Trust yourself, keep breathing, and take things one step at a time.  You can do it!  I love you!

Thank you:  to my sisters.  I wish I could live by all my loved ones and siblings all at one time, but since that isn't possible I'm thankful we had time together this year.  Jena, have fun setting up your life and finding yourself!  Deni, having our baby boys hang out with each other was really special.  Looking forward to them running around together as they grow and we visit.   I love all of you! 

Thank you:  to my workplace, everyone was so warm and friendly and made the transition period here a breeze.  I love my job!  Thank You Sorenson for helping make my life dreams possible.

Thank you:  Ryan, Ti, Aydan and Sia.  Words can't express the deep gratitude our whole family has for your family.  Everything you have done, given us, offered, provided, the ideas exchanged, the respite, the peace, the love, the positive energy, the encouragment...wonderful.  We love you!!!

Thank you:  Thank you.  Thank you, Manya.  You know.  You walked with us through steps in our path that have changed things in ourselves and our lives forever.  So grateful.

Thank you:  Buffalo!  It was interesting!  Another fantastic life-experience/adventure that we'll always remember. 

New Years Resolutions:
Enjoy my family, my life, myself
as fully, mindfully as I can each moment
Identify and remove obstacles that are
between me and my best self, best life
Allow myself to grow, and give my
inner child and goddess what I need to
do so.  Adventures await!  Happy 2013!