Accepting Love

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” ~ Rumi

 

In spite of being surrounded by other humans, a pervasive sense of loneliness seems to be a common human experience.  It can be frustrating to try to form deep connections that feel fulfilling, to feel like the other person sees who you are, and accepts you for that person.  In return, our own expectations and personal ideas about what love and true understanding look and feel like can keep us from seeing the love available to us.  Everyone has the same desire to love, to be loved.  Think about that.  If every person in your life feels the same ache of longing for love and understanding you do, what does that mean for our relationships?  I have been thinking about this idea, of working on learning to accept the love that people have to give, not the love I think they should give.  If I hold it against someone that they can't "love" me the way I expect them to, and in return if I close myself off to receiving the love they do offer, I am the one keeping myself from love, not the other person.  I am working right now at listening to myself as though I am my own beloved (because I am!), and if I struggle daily to give myself the kind of true love I want from someone else, how can I be surprised that I don't receive that love from others?  If I judge someone else and find something lacking in the level and quality of their love then perhaps what I am looking for is not something in them, but something in me that needs my own attention and love.  Love is patient.

The Nothing

I dreamed, and in my dream I thought

"It is the Nothing, only instead of being afraid and running from it, people are glad, and leaping into it."

Sometimes it can seem easier to give up and allow yourself to sink into despair.  That is not the path of least resistence, only a lie that tells you it is.  Working hard day after day at changing your life requires a lot of effort and can seem tiring, but that is a misunderstanding.  In the short term, giving up seems easy, but in the long term doing the work is the only way to avoid being devoured.  We are not meant to give ourselves over to destruction.  Transformation is possible, understanding is attainable, peace is one breath away.  

Self Determination

Each of us is capable of marvelous things.  All of us have a "best self" we feel we are meant to be.  If you feel overwhelmed when you think of that, and have a sense that you are waiting on an external higher power to someday make changes for you, you are suffering from a habit of wrong thinking, a holding pattern that keeps you stuck that does not line up with the nature of how the Divine works.  As humans we have been granted an abundance of power, ability, strength, the magical, wonderous, free-will right to choose for ourselves and to co-create our own lives.  It takes work, dedication, intention, perseverance and belief, but it is absolutely possible.  Don't wait.  Listen to the things that stir up your passion and head in that direction, not waiting for anything or letting yourself fall back on old habits.  The old ways of doing and thinking and being that do not serve your growing best self are ready to fall away.  The joy and peace and sense of accomplishment of fiving all your attention and efforts to being your best self are yours for the taking.  If that seems like too much, start with just clearing your mind by following your long deep breathing, and expand your awareness to the things in you and around you right  now that are bringing you joy.  It is worth the effort, I promise.   

Challenge

 

I am capable of more.  Let's see how much.  Training begins now. 

Unconditional Love

A lot of parents talk about how deeply they fell in love with their perfect, beautiful infant the moment they met.  I was enthralled with the process of pregnancy, enjoying the entire experience of hosting a growing person.  Labor was wonderful, birth was miraculous.  Meeting this tiny crying creature that is called "my son" was a moment I will never forget.  From the time I knew he existed I started to feel love for this person, and seeing him certainly was amazing.  But I would compare it to when I met my partner.  I remember vividly the first time I ever saw Michael walk past me.  I had an instant, strong reaction that stuck with me, and I immediately had the seeds of infatuation and love growing.  The birth of that relationship began at that moment, and the deep, daily intimate, love I share with him now was present then.  But at that particular time, I didn't know him very well, I knew almost nothing about him.  I could feel love and it was real, but I didn't know very much about what made Michael, Michael.  It was a mysterious, magical feeling.   Very much like meeting Avian, my little golden haired son.  I did love him right away, but I didn't know much about who he was, what makes Avian, Avian.  Being a parent is a marvelous, challening, elating, frustrating, joyous, fulfilling process.  Recently, as Avian has approached two years old and has reached a developmental stage where he can express himself quite clearly, I have noticed a real shift in my relationship with him.  Now instead of just having a general infatuation feeling for him (which did sometimes wear thin in the wee hours of yet another sleepless night during his earlier days), I have a deeper understanding of who this person is.  I can have a relationship with Him.  We can talk, exchange ideas, I can listen to his requests, needs, demands, feelings, experiences and can more understanding about what this individual is like, what his personality leans towards, the kinds of things he is interested in.  It is wonderful.  His fits, screaming rages, his head-banging when he is frustrated, his flinging of the spoon because I mixed his granola before he got a chance to tell me to add raisins...all of that is so normal for his age, so appropriate for his development, for his individuation process.  It is a delight to see his feelings emerge, to know that he can clearly communicate them to me, and that I can support that process, help him handle things when he is overwhelmed, model alternatives and coping skills, and coach him on how to explain his ideas when he needs it.  I just read the exceptional book "Unconditional Parenting", and it came at exactly the right time.  I don't see his "acting up" as a battle of wills or him defying me.  He is experiencing the world, and it is overwhelming, he is feeling feelings and they are huge.  I am so glad I get to walk along with this incredible growing person and help him figure out life.  He is helping me figure out life at the same time.  The more I get to know him, the more I can love who he is, unconditionally.

Steps on the Path

Clarity of purpose and sureness of your path ahead comes out of having been through uncertainty and confusion.  Having experienced the dark, you can understand what the Light is. 

art: http://www3.artflakes.com/artwork/products/302489/poster/path-of-light.jpg?1303908907

Inspiration for Today

                                     Thoughts for Today

New Years Resolutions:
Enjoy my family, my life, myself
as fully, mindfully as I can each moment
Identify and remove obstacles that are
between me and my best self, best life
Allow myself to grow, and give my
inner child and goddess what I need to
do so.  Adventures await!  Happy 2013!

For Naomi...

...whom I have known since we were girls of 16.  
Welcome to my blog.